On being happy:
I once wrote a song that no one sang,
I once wrote a poem that no one read,
I once painted a picture that no one saw,
and I wondered…
why did I do these things?
then one day I sang my song
and I read my poem
and I saw my picture
and I knew why
and I was happy.

-author unknown

I was just reading about an astonishing study that linked people’s happiness and longevity directly to their connections with others. It discovered that people who had multiple meaningful, positive connections with others lived up to 20 years longer than those folks who had fewer meaningful connections. In a world of expansive connections, this can be disillusioning. We as a human race have never been more connected, yet disconnection due to loneliness seems to be a common problem that is continuing to grow.
I have a few personal opinions on this. First, I call out social media. With all of the conveniences these connections have to offer, most of the time after scrolling through posts and pictures of friends and the advertisements that bookend each post, I feel like I want or need something I don’t have or feel like I’m not quite up to snuff. Even my friends that are real friends and not just media “friends” seems so much cooler in the little square of my cellphone. The idea of sharing our experiences with each other is lovely, but it has become distorted to our lens of what we want to put out there and what we don’t. I fear this takes away the vast majority of our authenticity, leaving out the imperfect bits, the photos that make us look bad, the way we tried to communicate before everything we put out there could be edited. I find myself, like so many others, wanting to edit myself all the time. Some of us can remember the days before digital cameras when you brought a role of film on vacation, snapped a few shots and when you got home, got your role of film developed only to discover that everyone’s heads have been cut off or the entire roll was blurry and all the memories you tried to capture were lost to the camera and merely a memory etched in the heart of your life. And if I’m honest, I probably spend twice as much money as I normally would simply by being enticed by the perfect product ads conveniently and swiftly delivered to my screen at all times. The trials and tribulations of convenience have left us a bit shallow, I fear, wanting to impress over wanting to express oneself holistically. As a person who has lived nearly 60 years, the way I can choose to be seen by others has changed drastically and if we’re only giving the world our best and not our whole selves, then we’re all misunderstanding ourselves and each other.
Second, its really not about perfection, its about connection. Connection to others, to self, to realistic body image to forgiveness and mistakes, are all tied into owning our authenticity. Why is this so hard? As much as I yearn to share my authentic self with you, there is always going to be a part of me that is afraid of rejection, humiliation and hurt. I’ve always been a truth teller but it doesn’t mean I’m not scared to do it. Meaningful connections are formed from the practice of bravery. At the risk of sounding stupid or looking silly, you open yourself up to approachability more often than not, resulting in an honesty that naturally attracts others. Vulnerability is the most important aspect of creating meaningful connections, I think, and we can’t be vulnerable if we’re not willing to be seen as imperfect.  
I think what I am trying to say is that happiness comes from wholeness. It comes from inclusion, being a part of a whole where you matter. If we want to belong to a community that loves and includes us, we need to love ourselves to feel included or we will always feel like outsiders. That’s the medicine. I cannot tell you what to do to love yourself because our lives are so intrinsically complicated that each person has their own story to navigate but I can suggest that happiness is rooted in self love, not arrogance or self-importance, but acceptance. Accepting yourself as authentically as possible leads to meaningful connections because you are unguarded. Protection of oneself and one’s privacy is important but not isolation from fear. That just compounds into loneliness. Dare to extend yourself perhaps just a little more than you are comfortable and let what is met there by others be a stepping stone to more satisfactory connections. Sometimes it may sting, being vulnerable can lead to rejection but the reward, when its earned, it true meaningful connection. Happiness is that pride and satisfaction in knowing we are seen, heard and loved for exactly who we are. It is so good and is worth the reach to get there. Like the 10 of Cups in the Tarot, we need to live through the waters of the emotional playing field, some beautiful and some painful to arrive at this harmonious state where we realize the gratitude necessary to fully appreciate happiness in our lives.
Be happy,
XO, Stellaluna